When Olivia joined our executive coaching session online, I could tell she was flustered.
She rushed in late, distractedly closing tabs and apologising before I could say a word. I knew it was crunch time for her team. I also knew this wasn’t unusual—many of the women in tech I coach carry the same weight.
Olivia is brilliant, deeply collaborative—and, like many high-achievers, a bit of a pleaser. It’s a ‘strength,’ until it isn’t.
That day, she was stretched too thin.
She told me she’d just spent two hours helping a colleague last-minute with a project due in two days… a project that had been on their radar for weeks. Then, her new boss asked her to stay late to explain a technical issue, which meant cancelling theatre plans with a friend.
I could see the frustration—and more importantly, the pattern.
How I helped her start redefining professional boundaries
I gently reflected what I was seeing. “It sounds like you’re always saying ‘yes,’ even when it costs you.”
She nodded and said, “I’m just used to people relying on me to step in.”
So, I asked, “What’s the cost of that habit—tonight, and more broadly?”
That opened the door.
She admitted she was annoyed, not just with others, but with herself. She could see that her biggest strength—being helpful—had become a default setting. That ‘strength’ and reputation was running the show.
From there, I introduced a simple but powerful coaching reframe:
“What if your new boss, Nick, is actually a gift?”
She looked puzzled at first.
Then I explained: he didn’t yet know her history of being overly accommodating. This was her moment. She could redefine the relationship before the habits set in.
That clicked for her
She suddenly saw the opportunity to reset—on her terms. “Right,” she said. “He doesn’t know the ‘old me’. I can just tell him I’m not available tonight, and suggest tomorrow instead.”
That small act of boundary-setting? It was huge.
What changed for Olivia after the session
She messaged me the next day. She’d told Nick she was heading to the theatre and would catch up with him in the morning.
He was totally fine with it!
More importantly, she felt different. More in charge. More spacious.
And she got to enjoy her evening, which gave her the energy to show up better the next day.
If this sounds like you… try this:
💬 What’s the strength you rely on most?
💬 When does that strength tip into a stressor?
💬 What would shift if you used it just 10% less?
You don’t need a total reinvention. Sometimes, you just need a small reset to take your time—and energy—back.
And if you want help redefining professional boundaries, I’m here.
Email me at for a free 45-minute conversation to explore how coaching could support you.
Resources to support this post:
- External Resource:
👉 How Women Can Redefine Leadership Without Burning Out – Harvard Business Review
https://hbr.org/2023/06/how-women-can-redefine-leadership-without-burning-out - Internal Resource #1:
👉 What Reinventing Yourself Could Offer Your Career – Inclusiq
https://inclusiq.com/what-reinventing-yourself-could-offer-your-career - Internal Resource #2:
👉 Feeling Overwhelmed at Work? This Questioning Strategy Can Help – Inclusiq
https://inclusiq.com/overwhelmed-at-work-questioning-strategy
