Do you know how to spot a toxic boss? Or how to deal with difficult managers?
There are many signs of a bad boss – one of them being undermining behaviour. Having your boss undermine your authority is a common workplace challenge in a male-dominated field. I’ll give you tactics on dealing with this kind of behaviour, being undermined at work, and bad management.
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These game-changing tactics have saved the sanity of so many of my clients. I’m Dr. Suzanne Doyle-Morris and I have spent the last 15 years helping women get the careers they’d love, and promotions that they deserve. Today, I’ll be sharing three brilliant tips for dealing with undermining behaviour. Plus, if you stay to the end, you’ll get an idea when exactly you should be looking for pastures new.
The first thing to recognise is that sometimes an undermining boss doesn’t even realise that they’re doing it. They’re used to being in charge, time is short and they want to get to a quick result. So, before we get to any tactics, ask yourself: do they mean to undermine you, or are they what I like to scientifically call an insensitive knucklehead? Maybe they are actually an intentionally devious devil.
Consider How You Are Being Impacted
The first tactic is: to point out their latest slight and its impact on you.
Clearly this is going to take courage, but, if you’re dealing with an insensitive knucklehead, their actions may actually be completely unintentional, so give them the benefit of the doubt. Their latest guffaw may be a complete oversight, but be very specific and give them an example. Just like a marriage counsellor would tell you, “don’t say you never listen or you always put the milk back in the fridge completely empty.” The truth is, there are very few ‘always’s or ‘never’s in life. And even the worst boss can actually be occasionally very supportive.
“It’s Just Banter!”
I was interviewing a woman who works for an international, fast-moving consumer goods company for my next book. Now, she was very senior by the time I interviewed her, but she remembered when she had a difficult boss. He used to walk around their large open plan office asking very detailed questions and shouting at anyone who didn’t have an immediate answer. Let’s just say he was not going to be shortlisted for the boss of the year category. One day he called her into his office, just to ask how she was getting on. And she blurted out and she said: “You’re the reason I hate coming to work.”
As you can imagine, her response actually stunned them both in that moment, but it actually led to two benefits. First, it sent a message that his behaviour was noticed and that she wasn’t willing to let it slide. Secondly, it led to a conversation between the two of them about his approach which he’d always considered a form of banter. He proceeded to change this over time, following their conversation. In fact, he asked her to give feedback routinely on how he was getting on, and what she noticed. In time, he became an advocate for her, simply because he respected that she had stood up to him.
The point I’m making here is that he did not know how badly his behaviour was affecting others. He was socially what we like to call an awkward knucklehead. So calling him out was actually the right thing to do.
Flattery Will Get You Everywhere
If, however, you are working with an intentionally devious devil who undermines you, one of my favourite tactics is simply to flatter them.
They probably feel that they are superior and very important and uber busy, so use that to your advantage. Say something like: “I know how busy you are with everything that you take on and I’d love to help clear more from your plate! Potentially, I could help at a client meeting where you might need more detail on things that I know about.”
One of my clients, who worked in technology, did this with a boss who rarely gave her any time. One day,, his child got sick and he couldn’t attend a big upcoming annual conference, so she offered to step up and deputise on his behalf. Now, clearly you shouldn’t have to wait for an illness in someone’s family to get ahead, but offering up to take slack when it’s most needed positions you as an ally. Which makes total sense – you’re trying to get noticed for how you’re helping out, after all.
Once her boss came back and saw that she got good feedback, he began sending her to other events that he actually didn’t even want to attend, which is how she got to know the finer details of several of Europe’s least glamorous airports. But those international trips actually helped position her for a bigger role.
Last Resort?
If the tactics for both the awkward knucklehead and the devious devil fail and you continue to feel undermined, there may be one thing left to do – and that’s to look for a new job with a new boss. Now, in my experience coaching and advising, I find that people don’t usually leave jobs; they leave bosses. If, ultimately, your boss undermines you and you can’t get them on side through flattering or pointing out the impact of their behaviour, even if the job looked great on paper, for some, moving away from a bad boss is a great motivator for seeking a promotion elsewhere.
So if that’s you, download my free guide “How to Get a Promotion in Eight Steps.” It’s gonna give you everything you need. Good luck in taking back control from being undermined!
Tired of co-workers taking credit for your ideas? Here are some strategies to combat that, such as acknowledging the collaborative nature of ideas, crediting others for their contributions, and seeking support from allies to ensure proper attribution during public discussions.
