Sarah, an executive coaching client from a life sciences company, started one of her final sessions with me saying that ‘the past year had been the hardest in her life.’ It certainly was not a year anyone would envy; she’d taken on her biggest management role to date and had nursed and then experienced the death of her father all while going through the start of perimenopause. Not a year Sarah, nor anyone else, would want to experience. It had certainly taken a toll on her faith in her leadership resilience and ability to confront future obstacles. Sarah came to our session wanting a ‘reframe’ as she’d focused too much on the negative lately – which, given the year she’d had, wasn’t surprising.
A Lesson in Leadership Resilience
Sarah had taken a 2 month break to handle the death of her father. I asked: ‘Given who you were a few years ago, if you knew this was all on the horizon in a single year, what would you have thought?’
She laughed: ‘That I would have crumbled! Even though I rationally know you can’t ‘time’ a close relative’s death any more than you can time menopause!’
So we focused on the ‘evidence’. She was still standing; indeed, she was in the office. I reminded her that a few months earlier, her boss had been surprisingly understanding, even before her father’s deterioration. He’d reminded her he didn’t expect her to get this new role ‘perfect’ and that she could ask for more help. This helped her ‘recalibrate’ the expectations on her. She realised the high expectations came predominantly from herself.
Remember Your Wins
We spent time talking about what went better than she’d expected, and what this meant for the next challenges she’d face. She realised she had a lot of resources; colleagues that pleasantly surprised her, books she’d found useful during that year, the honed observation skills she’d finessed amongst a largely male team and, finally, the realisation that she didn’t have to solve every problem on her own.
More reassurance came when she asked others for their insight and no one was expecting her to be the ‘sole problem solver’ anyway. She laughed: ‘Even as I say that, I hear how ridiculous it was for me to think I’m the only one with all the answers!’
She said: ‘If I see myself as always in learning mode, I realise the limitations and expectations I have are primarily my own.’
You Can Make It Through
Going through this list of evidence of her ‘resources’, Sarah realised her leadership resilience and self-confidence was more intact than she’d given herself credit for, a vital skill for her and for any organisation. When I asked: ‘What is the value of this to you?’ Sarah slowly replied: ‘It means I don’t have to be so frightened of getting things wrong and my self-doubt doesn’t need to be so overwhelming. After all, I’ve got evidence that I can get through virtually anything!’
- What difficulties have you gotten through that you would have predicted you wouldn’t?
- What does that mean for future challenges?
- What are the resources you have around you that you, too, often don’t even see?
If you want to learn more about what your saboteurs might be doing to hold you back in your career, keep an eye out for my next round of Peak Resilience Accelerator sessions! Or get in contact for some executive coaching sessions, or a webinar talk.
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